Writing LGBTQ+ characters isn’t new for me. For those of you who followed my process of writing and revising DUODECIM, you know that story is chock-full of minority characters who deserve the spotlight. I live for writing diverse characters whose stories are not about their experience as a minority. I wanted to write a fantasy story about diverse characters being badass and powerful, and that’s what I did. THE PUNCTUATION BETWEEN is a different animal entirely. While in DUODECIM, different characters featured aspects of my identity, it didn’t qualify as #ownvoices because my protagonist didn’t encompass my identity in its entirety. For THE PUNCTUATION BETWEEN, I wanted to take that step and try my hand at something different, and boy, was that an experience. My gender has always been something difficult to articulate. I didn’t start exploring the subject until I was in college, and discussing it outside of friend groups took even longer. Even with the different names for identities and their descriptions, it was still difficult to explain how I felt in words. Non-binary is different for everyone who falls under that heading, so narrowing it down to my truth took time and a lot of personal exploration. Needless to say, committing to write a book about someone who identified the way I do when I didn’t know how to describe it myself was tricky in concept. What surprised me was how easily it came to me in practice. While THE PUNCTUATION BETWEEN isn’t in itself a coming out story, it deals with Lex’s anxieties over telling their friends and family, and that lends to the overarching conflict in the story. LGBTQ+ people don’t come out just once—it’s a daily process that comes in different forms. To leave that out of Lex’s story, and subsequently my own, would be a disservice to portraying this kind of an #ownvoices story. Lex’s identity is by no means a catch-all for how non-binary people identify. Identity, presentation, and orientation are all different and valid. Exploring how I define my gender and myself through Lex was one of the most rewarding experiences to come out of writing this book. I’ve always known that #ownvoices stories are incredibly important in terms of how they affect those reading them. What I never expected was all that I would learn from writing #ownvoices. Even if it’s never shared, I encourage everyone to write their truths, whatever that truth is—you never know what you’ll unearth about yourself in the process.
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Writing your own truth can be hard, but boy is it worth it. THE PUNCTUATION BETWEEN was an exploration of my own identity in more ways than one, but for right now, I’m going to focus solely on writing what mental illnesses look like for me. I knew it would be an experience, but I didn’t quite realize how therapeutic it could be. For those unfamiliar with the THE PUNCTUATION BETWEEN, main character Lex is a non-binary seventeen year old who struggles with three demons who seek to torment Lex’s day to day life for their own amusement. Each of these three demons represents a facet of their mental illnesses that they struggle against: anxiety, depression, and dysphoria. While Lex and I experience depression and dysphoria at different levels, I poured as much of my experience with anxiety into the story as I could. It was important to me to tell my truth as far as what anxiety feels like to me. Before I go on, please know that anxiety manifests differently for everyone. My experience with anxiety, as well as Lex’s experience with anxiety, is by no means everyone’s reality. Part of my intention in this story was to show readers who don’t have anxiety, depression, or dysphoria what it can look like. I also hope that reading this can help give a language to those who are suffering, but don’t know the words to refer to them by. The demon that represents anxiety for Lex is Brenda, a cockroach-esque monstrosity that lives on their back. Brenda whispers in Lex’s ear, painting images of worst-case-scenarios. To induce the physical symptoms of anxiety, Brenda has sharp pincers and barbed legs that she uses to spark pain wherever she sees fit. Brenda, along with the other demons, are invisible to everyone else, just as anxiety can be invisible to anyone outside of the sufferer. Giving my anxiety a voice through Brenda was a unique experience. It became an exercise in recognizing what are reasonable worries, and what worries are unrealistic and inspired by my anxiety. During THE PUNCTUATION BETWEEN, Lex is in the throes of anxiety at its peak, driven by life-changing moments and confessions that would be stressful for anyone. While I’ve learned to manage my anxiety, I was where Lex is not too long ago. This story felt like a letter to a younger me who was still figuring everything out; it was a promise that things would sort themselves out, even when all seemed overwhelmingly hopeless. To anyone who suffers from disorders like anxiety, depression, and dysphoria, I encourage you to try and write about it. You don’t need to share it with anyone. It doesn’t need to be good, or publishable. Whether you’re in the early stages, right in the heart of it, or coming out of the other side with a treatment plan, write your reality. Explore it. Don’t be afraid of it. It’s an incredible kind of therapy. If you or someone you love is struggling with mental illness, asking for help is the first step. Please see below for a list of resources to reach out to. Mental illness isn't something to be romanticized. It's a serious issue surrounded with tremendous stigma. You don't have to wait until you're in crisis to reach out--no problem is too big or too small. It's time to push conversations and raise the voices of those who struggle from these 'invisible' illnesses so that everyone can get the help they need and deserve. The Trevor Project The Trevor Project is the leading national organization providing crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to lesbian, gay, bisexua, transgender, and questioning (LGBTQ) young people ages 13-24. 24/7 Hotline: 1-866-488-7386 Website: thetrevorproject.org National Suicide Prevention Lifeline The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a national network of local crisis centers that provides free and confidential emotional support to people in suicidal crisis or emotional distress 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. 24/7 Hotline: 1-800-273-8255 Website: suicidepreventionlifeline.org Crisis Text Line Crisis Text Line is free, 24/7 support for thsoe in crisis. Text 741741 from anywhere in the US to text with a trained Crisis Counselor. Crisis Text Line trains volunteers to support people in crisis. Website: crisistextline.org If you know of any other great resources, or want to talk about your own experiences with mental illness, leave a comment below! |
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